Thursday, June 2, 2011
Broken heart+stress=no tears
Me oh my. I sigh as I face facts. Andrew & I broke up two days ago because he was/is just a depressed mess living with me, plus I frustrate him beyond belief. I am a people person. Surround me with folks and I'm thrilled. That comes from the fact I'm used to social chaos, being the oldest of five girls even though my sisters tell me I was always in escape-social-chaos-mode as a kid, constantly finding a place to curl up with a good book. I am happy I developed this habit because all the reading I did developed my reading and writing skills and probably hence created a writer in ME. But I see Andrew as the ultimate recluse who does NOT want to be around a constant communicator and touchy-feely person like myself. It was a clean break, not even a raised voice as he gave me his half of June rent, saying it was his last. So I inquired, "does that mean we are over too since we won't be roommates any longer?" He gave me a yes and that was that. To put this nicely, I did not shed a singletear, not to say that no tears were shed. I can thank my traumatic brain injury for making me look clueless and cold as I have had about five breakups, death in the family and loss of love and my favorite city and a great career as a national magazine editor taken away from me in the nine years since my accident. Andrew is packing, evidence that this is real not just a figment of my imaginative mind. So I'm sad our relationship, which began in November of 2009, is over. Clean break, yes, but scared to be returning to single life and looking for a roommate since I cannot afford to live here alone and I'm in love with the location, the space and privacy of my place so I CANNOT lose this place with its location, which is close enough to town, the gym and Maya's new house. I just need someone to help me pay all the bills. I really wish my new roomie dog Bella could contribute rent money in return for the walks, food and care I give her on a daily basis. I AM SAD that it is my 35th birthday eve and I'm alone in life without a committed partner at my side. Hopefully, no baby but a memoir authored by me is born soon.
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Gabs, I wish I could take you out for a drink to celebrate YOU and how amazing you are on the eve your 35th birthday. xo
ReplyDeleteLove you Gabby. xoxo
ReplyDeleteGabby! I am so proud of you for taking that step. Sometimes it's easier To stay in a blah situation than face life on your own. But you live a wonderful life and deserve to be admired. I love you sweet sister, even if you are getting old! Happy birthday!
ReplyDeleteI have always liked and admired you. That only increased after I had a brain hemorrhage and had a hint of what you've had to battle. You are strong and lovely, and you WILL endure - maybe to grow as old as I am now!
ReplyDeleteGabby, I wish you a birthday tomorrow filled with 35 smiles over and over again. Hugs, Cheryl
ReplyDeleteI haven't gone through even a tenth of what you've gone through, yet at the same time, I understand the trauma of change, moving, changing/loosing jobs, loosing loved ones....it does create a certain sense of numbing in us, or perhaps it gives us strength to keep on fighting and being ready for whatever obstacle comes in our way. So glad you started a blog, I'll be looking forward to following you along the way :) PS...I've been single for some time now and although I don't want it to be this way forever, I am stronger and happier in my life because I now know I can do things for myself and by myself. Good luck on finding a room mate. I hope the right person comes along soon so you don't have to move!
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